Failing Forward Instead of Falling Backward by Ella Kimbrel
The other day, I saw this meme on Facebook that read, “If life gives you lemons, give them back and tell them you want coffee.” I prefer Diet Coke but to each his own. The point is that sometimes in life, we’re going to get lemons. These lemons can be small but still sour such as getting a speeding ticket, to lemons of a larger variety (lip puckering sour), such as failing a critical exam for professional certification. You get the idea. We’re going to experience failure and probably more than once.
How we handle failure is essential to our recovery from it. To fail forward, I pray, reflect, and learn. I also talk to friends and family because they often provide an objective perspective. I then evaluate my options (or opportunities as I call them): 1) Try again. 2) Correct my mistakes and not repeat them. 3) Accept and give myself permission to move on. Sometimes I choose all three options, and sometimes just one. It depends on the nature of the failure.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a speeding ticket on a road I often travel. Did I know the speed limit on that road was 30 MPH? Um, maybe, but I sure didn’t remember that. When the officer approached my car and asked for my registration, I couldn’t find the most recent one. Does your glovebox maybe look like mine with five years of registrations stuffed in it amongst napkins, straws, face masks, and MAYBE some gloves? Good grief!
I gave the officer an expired registration which she said she could use, and she walked away. When she returned, she told me she could give me another ticket for failing to have the appropriate registration documentation. I said, “Yes, ma’am,” and she let me go (with only the speeding ticket). Now, friends, that ticket represents a total failure to follow the law. I was embarrassed and mad at myself. I could have cussed and fussed about the ticket for a long time. I could have contested it as it was obviously a speed trap (many other cars were pulled over with me). Those choices were not the best, and I would have allowed that speeding ticket experience to propel me into more failure.
Instead, I paid the ticket, ordered an updated registration, and stopped speeding. (Okay, I stopped going more than five MPH over the speed limit on EVERY road.) Those actions allowed me to fail forward. I turned my lemons into Diet Coke. While I didn’t enjoy the experience of receiving that speeding ticket, it was a humbling experience and one that revealed some areas of my life that needed attention, such as organization, distracted driving, and maybe even pride.
Many years ago, I sat for the SPHR (Senior Professional in Human Resources) exam. For those of you who work in HR, you may be familiar with this exam. If you’re unfamiliar with it, suffice it to say that it’s tough to pass. Today the test allows three hours to answer 150 questions (25 of which are pre-test questions and are not scored). I swear it was longer when I was taking it.
Most HR professionals I know who have taken the exam have told me that after taking it, they just knew they had failed it, and they were shocked to learn that they passed it – the first time.
I sat for that exam SIX times! What I mean is that I sat for the exam and failed it five times, one time missing the passing score by just 3 points. I could’ve accepted defeat and given up. Few would have blamed me. Yet, in every situation, I prayed. I cried some too, but I prayed a lot. For me praying is often one of the requirements I need to meet to Fail Forward. It helps keep me from falling backward. With every failed attempt at that exam, I asked God, “What would you have me learn from that experience, Lord? What are you trying to tell me?”
I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t have a pity party or two on the journey to certification, but after every party, I got up and tried again. Trying again is another requirement I need to meet to Fail Forward. After taking a second certification preparation course and studying more, I passed the exam on my sixth attempt.
Some failures don’t allow us to try again, and that’s okay. There are still other failures that simply require acceptance. Both situations still provide an opportunity to learn, and sometimes I have to give myself permission to move on. I don’t dwell on failure. I reflect on it, learn from it, accept the things I cannot change, and give myself permission to move on.
My friends, failure doesn’t have to be an end. It can be the beginning of something good! Prayer and perspective are crucial. Family and friends are too. If you’ve recently experienced failure, can I encourage you today? Pray about it. Talk to family and friends. Consider your options of trying again, correcting mistakes (and not repeating them), accepting, and giving yourself permission to move on. Know that you’re not alone in your experiences and that you are not defeated! I’ve heard that every setback is a setup for a comeback. That is an attitude of Failing Forward. You can do it. I believe in you.