Girl, Shut Your Mouth! by Ella Kimbrel
When I’m upset about something, I tend to withdraw into myself and start analyzing the reason (or reasons) that I’m upset. Do you do this too? I am very good at making mountains out of molehills, so before I talk about what’s bothering me, I want to make sure my issue is not just a “me” issue. In my mind, this is a course of action to take before opening my mouth and proving that I’m a fool (rather than keeping my mouth closed and letting others think I’m a fool…as the saying goes).
Then there are the times when my mouth gets ahead of my thoughts and words just tumble on out there in the air for all to hear. Usually, these are not good or helpful words. Sometimes the words are hurtful and mean. This behavior is typically followed by deep regret and remorse…and an apology. I say to myself, “Girl, shut your mouth! Don’t say the hurtful things. Reframe the words, stay calm.” But anger. But frustration. And out the words fall rolling like angry river rapids, fast and out of control.
In his book, Watch Your Mouth, Understanding the Power of the Tongue, Dr. Tony Evans reminds us that God should be the pilot of our tongue. He references the book of James in the Bible, specifically chapter 3, verses 3 through 6: “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
There is wisdom in understanding the weight of my words. I can use my words to edify others, or I can use them as a weapon to hurt others. The former comes easy to me while the latter is fueled by anger or frustration. For example, I am ready to be done with COVID. I am ready to not have to wear a mask and ask employees about their cold and flu like symptoms. I am ready to delete my COVID tracking log and cancel all the meetings related to this topic. In this area, I experience great frustration and it simmers at the surface of my thoughts. A lot. I worry about our employees, about my kids, my husband, other family members, friends at church and in my community. I hate what this pandemic has done to us. And so, when it’s time to have a meeting on this topic at work, there is already a present tension in my gut that seeks release. “Girl, shut your mouth,” I say to myself. “Don’t spill over. Just keep those words in.” And I do, until a member of our group begins to talk about vaccine mandates and how we’re already behind. “Girl, shut your…” and then it slips out. My insides tremble and it carries all the way up through my body and out of my mouth like a nasty mudslide full of debris surging down the mountain side.
“Girl, you didn’t shut your mouth. You failed. Again,” I say to myself just as soon as the words are out there. Now begins the justification in my head: “A lot of people say things they don’t mean. My coworkers are my friends. They’re tired of COVID too. They understand. They won’t hold my outburst against me.” And maybe they don’t, well, not all of them. But what about the one who believes I’m better than that? Better than giving way to my temper? Have I just ruined my witness for Christ? Is that one coworker holding me to higher standard that I can ever meet? “Girl, ladies don’t swear. You should’ve shut your mouth. You’re no good. You let ‘them’ see your anger. You just lost.” And so, the reel of negative thoughts begins to consume my attention, and I withdraw. I don’t say much the rest of the meeting because I’m worn out reliving the mistake I just made. Again.
Then the Holy Spirit reminds me that there is NO condemnation in Christ (Romas 8:1). I know that if I confess my sin, God is faithful and just, and He will forgive my sin (1 John 1:9). Then I understand that I must apologize to the one (or ones) I may have hurt, maybe to the whole team. Generally, the team is forgiving. They are frustrated too. I could very easily use that as a way to justify my sin. “Girl, everybody cusses. Everybody sins.” But I don’t want to be like everybody else. I want to be like Jesus. Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin.” Ecclesiastes 5:6 says, “Do not let your mouth lead you into sin.”
So how will I go to battle next time? I will say to myself, “Girl, shut your mouth. Remember to ‘take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Girl, you are not alone in your frustration. Talk about the frustration, bring it into the room. Address it, share it and then let it go. Do not let it control you. Release your thoughts using edifying words, calling on God’s supernatural power of peace because He’s got it. He’s already in that moment and He’s got you.”
My Friends, I will not always get it right. I will still use ugly words sometimes. I really hate to admit that. But the truth is this: I am human. I will fail. But. God. He is faithful and just to forgive me. And you. He died for us, to give us life everlasting. Sometimes, I can look back at my follies of frustrations, and I can laugh. And my coworkers laugh with me. Those are such good times. I am so appreciative of my coworkers who can work with me and put up with me and love me right where I am. Sometimes, they look at me across the room and our eyes meet. Their eyes are saying, “Girl, shut your mouth.” And we smile because we are thinking the exact same thing. Both of us need to shut our mouth.
As you go throughout your day today, embrace the fact that you won’t always remember to shut your mouth. You’re going to say things that you will regret, things that you can’t take back. Ask God to help you to make every thought obedient to Christ. If you fail, remember that there is no condemnation in Christ. Ask for forgiveness. Learn and grow. Move on. The time in between the next outburst will grow longer, and soon incidents of “Girl, you’re too late - you didn’t shut your mouth” will be few. May you find encouragement to live life abundantly today when you consider that God’s mercies are new every single morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and each new day is an opportunity to try again.