Do You Talk Too Much?
There’s a time to share my opinion, a time to redirect, and a time to be quiet. Sometimes, I just talk too much!
Early in my HR career, I was called to my boss’s office to discuss a few people challenges. I felt bold that day, so when he asked me the temperature of the morale, I told him the truth without holding back. We had an employee causing serious morale issues among the employees in one of our corporate departments, and we needed to terminate this employee. He asked me the individual's name, and when I told him, he was shocked. It turns out this employee was a friend of my boss's. I’m not sure I would’ve mentioned the situation if I had known about the friendship. Be that as it may, after he heard the whole story, my boss supported the decision to terminate this employee. Morale in the department improved, and all was as it should be. In this situation, speaking up was right and necessary.
Another time, my boss called me into his office and began asking me questions about the job performance of an employee who did not report to me. I hate it when this happens because my opinion of an individual’s job performance is not my business unless that individual works for me, the individual’s manager has come to me (HR) asking for counsel, or I’ve witnessed the performance. I’ve learned in situations like this to answer the question with this question: “What does the manager say about the individual’s performance?” Any other response has not yielded positive results for me as an HR professional. I’ve learned that this is a time to redirect to the appropriate party (or parties) and invite them to participate in the solution.
In the past, I’ve been asked to share my opinion on people matters in meetings. If I have something edifying to share, then I will share. If not, I will be quiet. I was taught to praise people in public and discipline them in private. Sharing my negative opinion about an employee in mixed company is seldom a good idea. This practice has not served me well, and I learned many years ago that there is a time to be quiet. This scenario is one of those times. Better to say nothing and let them think I’m a fool than to open my mouth and prove it. I will later circle back to the individual who posed the question in the meeting and then invite the manager of the employee in question to participate in the discussion.
Sometimes, leaders just talk too much. What I mean is that sometimes, I just talk too much. I keep learning there are times where it’s okay just to listen and not share an opinion, thought, or story. I never want to be perceived as a gossip. Proverbs 20:19 says, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” The road of oversharing can be a lonely one.
Instead, I want to be viewed as a wise, honest leader who protects her coworkers' reputations, speaks kindly, and extends grace. “Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
I share these experiences and scriptures in the spirit of transparency and to let you know that you are not alone if you struggle in this area. The reality is that our words have weight…as leaders, coworkers, spouses, friends, parents, sisters, brothers, etc. I have to remember that and apply the lessons I’ve learned in this area of my life: There’s a time to share my opinion, there’s a time to redirect, and there’s a time to be quiet.